tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4320951765142630822024-03-14T04:12:22.735-07:00Crohnological OrderAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.comBlogger384125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-10558949896453101542017-08-26T09:21:00.001-07:002017-08-26T09:21:39.666-07:00Man-ILL-Festo <div class="MsoNormal">
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<b>Manifesto<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Noun;<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>A public declaration
of policy and aims, especially one issued before an election by a political
party or candidate. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<b>Man-ILL-festo <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Noun;<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>A public declaration
of aims from a diseased person, a mishmash word I just made up which has no basis
in reality. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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If you know anything about me, or have read almost anything
I’ve written, you’ll know that I love a pun. I’ve you’ve read my book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Go-Your-Crohn-Way-Disease/dp/1848193165">Go Your Crohn
Way</a>, you’ll have established it contains over 5015435 puns (that’s an
approximation only). Some people <i>love</i>
the puns, some <i>hate</i> them. They are
the marmite smeared across my pages. But as the best writers are always telling
us, ‘write what you’d want to read’ and I CAN’T EVER QUENCH MY PUN-THIRST. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyway I mention this merely as I’ve started the blog with
yet another one. Sorry pun haters but I can’t always be what you want me to be.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, what is this ‘<b><i>Manillfesto’ </i></b>I speak of? Well I’ve
been thinking a lot lately about what I can do ‘better’ in the way I approach and
manage my illness. Of course there are a myriad of things out-with my control, (having
chronic illness in the first place being the main one of those), but there are
a few small but powerful ways I’ve found I can help myself be the best and
happiest version of me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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[Most of these are just sensible rules for life for everyone
to be honest so feel free to follow my manillfesto policies regardless of your
health status lads]. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>TALK:</b>
<i>don’t bottle up how I am feeling when I need
help/comfort/company.</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
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This is a continual issue for those with chronic illness as
we often find it less emotionally exhausting to simply whip out “I’m fine” or
the like when asked how we are. This is no one’s fault; it’s just often so much
easier than explaining our every gripe and symptom again and again. It’s honestly
tiring enough experiencing it all without feeling the need to vocalise it.
However ‘I’m fine’ doesn’t really resolve anything when it’s used inaccurately.
All it serves to do is worry the person on the receiving end (who probably
knows you’re not fine anyway) and stops us from getting the support we might
badly need. So I’m trying to limit my use of an erroneous “I’m fine” for
emergencies only (i.e. when in the midst of a colonoscopy)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>PROACTIVELY
SELF-CARE:</b> <i>make time to make myself
feel better</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Self-care doesn’t have to mean completing 45 Yoga DVD’s then
downing 15 Kale smoothies. It can be something as simple as finding what makes
you feel comfortable and relaxed and actively making the space in your day for
it. For me I love a hot bubble bath, headphones on, candles lit, channelling my
inner Barbara Cartland and coming out barely conscious and a shade of lobster
not yet discovered by scientists. So I try to make time a few times a week to
have my precious soak. It’s also a nice way to physically relax achy joints and
let your brain slow down. But if you don’t have a bath you can do other things;
read a good book, paint, draw, watch a box set, go dogging, whatever makes you
feel happy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>STICK TO
AN ADULT BEDTIME:</b> <i>develop a regular
sleep routine</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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This is important for many reasons, and more of a challenge
than you might think. Those of us with chronic illness often find what should be
horizontal bliss more of an uphill struggle. We often find getting enough sleep
difficult depending on our pain levels, nausea, bathroom issues or medications.
For example when I was on steroids I slept for about 5minutes over the course
of 5months. When I <i>did</i> sleep through
the sweats I’d dream of murder then wake up wanting to carry it out. I didn’t follow
through on any of the dream-murders you’ll be pleased to hear. So try and
ensure you stick to a suitable bed time and get enough where you can, it gets
easier over time once you get into a regular pattern. Keeping a track of your
sleep patterns is also useful for tracking flares and symptoms and for assisting
the police in their enquiries regarding local murders. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>TAKE A
LUNCH BREAK:</b> <i>everyday, no excuses<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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This sounds minor but it’s very important. Most days I work
through my lunch, eat my desk (when I remember to eat) and am lucky if I’ve had
15mins of a ‘break’ in a full day. This stems from work pressure, and a little anxiety
about how much time I might spend in the loo from one day to the next. Regardless
of my bathroom habits I’m still LEGALLY entitled to a break so I should be
taking it without question or guilt. This is a habit I, and many of us need to
break. Getting away from the desk/phone/whatever you’re chained to also helps
to clear the head for an hour. Unless you are chained to someone else if you
are a bungee instructor for example then please ensure everyone is safely on
ground level before making your Pot Noodle. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, some basic but important points to remember there. Little
changes go a long way; prioritise, look after numero uno and make the best of
each day even when you might feel like death is coming up the rear faster than
an experienced Gastroenterologist. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-6515917468760374332017-08-17T04:03:00.001-07:002017-08-17T04:03:54.138-07:00Good Grief
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I’ve written a little in the past about the
similarities I find between coming to terms with a chronic illness diagnosis
and the stages of grief. It’s been on my mind again recently for different
reasons: the idea that just as grief rears its weepy head every so often so
does the same feeling of loss that comes with having an incurable illness. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Lately I’ve been missing my beloved Grandmother quite a bit and
recalling how I felt when she passed away. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">*I didn’t at any point say this blog was going to be a rollercoaster of
non-stop fun so get off now I’ve you’re not tall enough to come on this ride*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My sweet Granny Peggy died when I was in my early twenties. I was in
the first flush of romance with my first ‘proper’ boyfriend and heading on a holiday.
She died in hospital, I was there, thankfully, along with the rest of our close
family. She was ‘ready to go’; she told me as much many times, and now that I’m
older I understand why a little more; then I just couldn’t bear to hear the
words. I didn’t want her to go and selfishly wouldn’t so much as contemplate
the thought, choosing instead to do everything aside from putting my fingers in
my ears shouting “LA LA LA” to avoid the conversation. She wasn’t being selfish;
she was just tired. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My Gran was my salve. We lived in the flat downstairs from her for many
years, the whole of my childhood in fact, and she was a safe bosom to run to
whenever I felt overwhelmed, sad or just needed someone other than a parent to
listen to my childish nonsense. What I always remember most about my Gran was
her sense of humour, she laughed a lot and loved to hear us laugh. She loved to
throw me back and give me ‘French kisses’ (her version of this was just pecking
my neck until I giggled and wriggled away like a happy eel), we danced around
her kitchen a lot and she let me draw on almost all of her treasured possessions.
I wrote her poems and stories and she lauded them all with praise worthy of a Pulitzer.
</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So reminisce aside what does all of this have to do with Crohn’s Disease?
Well the grieving I do every so often for my Grandmother feels painfully
similar to the grieving I do for my life pre-Crohn’s. Right now I’m flaring and
feel decidedly awful most of the time; when this happens it sends me into a
flurry of anxiety. I worry about how long this will last, how it will be
remedied, what adjustments I must make to my life and what it must feel to live
with or be around a person such as myself struggling with keeping it all
together and not finding much room for anyone or anything else. Sound familiar?
Grief is all-consuming and unpredictable just like chronic illness. It strikes
when you least expect it and lingers for much longer than you’d like. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But sometimes, you forget. Sometimes you feel good and that’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">OK</i>. It’s OK to revel in feeling happy
despite loss. It’s OK to remember happy times and not feel guilt for what you
could or should have done during the bad. So when you are struggling with
illness (or grief) and feel lost try to remember the good; and that that good
will come back around in time. Focus on what you have and not what you have
lost, because sometimes that’s all we can do to get through. xo</span> </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-28662829693037864572017-08-09T05:21:00.002-07:002017-08-09T05:21:43.424-07:00Eat, Drink and Be Poorly<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When you have a bowel disease the relationship with
food can be, at the very least, a complicated one.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In my mind and in my heart I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">LOVE</i>
food. I love the smells, the sights, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">taste</i>
of it. I love the comfort it brings, the happy memories it evokes, the new
experiences it allows. But my stomach <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">HATES</i>
it. My stomach physically <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">despises</i>
it. Rejects it faster than a 3-legged-puppy at a dog shelter. (Which is something
for the record, I would <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> do) </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">And therein lies the issue – the one place where food should find its
happy, nourishing home before starting its journey into the sewage system, is
stunted by an intense, repellent disgust for anything I choose to shovel into
my cake-hole. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Food and the partaking in eating it, may seem initially like such a
basic human need that we can often lose sight of how wonderful an aspect of
life it can be. We associate often unknowingly, food with socializing, with blossoming
romance, cultivating friendships, nurturing our children. It is associated with
being <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">part</i> of something. This eats into
(pardon the pun) a common issue patients with chronic illness have; feeling on
the outside of things. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For me the idea of going ‘out for dinner’ is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">great</i>. I love thinking ahead about what I’ll wear, scoping out the
menu in advance to see what looks delicious, anticipating the great conversation
I might have in a cosy environment. But then, much like a selfish lover, that thrill
disappears as quickly as it comes. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I am then met with the stark reality-reminder of what might <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">actually </i>happen; I’ll worry about what I
can wear to disguise the inventible bloating that comes after one morsel, I’ll
panic over what I can eat that doesn’t contain an ingredient that will cause me
pain (clue: nothing), I’ll worry about a potential lack of bathrooms or my
tables’ proximity to a bathroom, and worst of all, I’ll worry about ruining the
evening for my companion before the night has even begun. All this anxiety
serves [can’t stop won’t stop with the food puns] to put a dampener on what
should ideally be an exciting and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fun</i>
prospect. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Much like any bad relationship, when you love something that causes you nothing
but pain you must learn to cut all ties. Not quite as easy with food, due to
that pesky aspect of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">needing it to stay
alive</i>. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Food is an inescapable part of life, so in order to avoid an early meet
and greet with the Grim Reaper, some form of adaption must take place. We must
learn to fit it into our life in a way that causes us the least mental and
physical torture. No easy feat. Or should that be no easy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feed?! </i>Haha ha ha no you’re right probably not.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For me there has been no ‘diet’ I’ve found to absolve my symptoms (and believe
me I’ve looked). Over time I’ve established the main foods and drinks which I know
will particularly upset me, I try as much as I can to cut these out. Often IBD
is so utterly unpredictable that ‘safe’ foods cause just as much discomfort as
others; this is a particular gripe of mine, especially when it takes so much
will power <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> to eat what I love.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On the whole my appetite is as elusive as a vegan at a cattle market. I
generally don’t crave food: against my will I’ve conditioned my brain that ‘food
= pain’ and this is a hard mentality to break out of. Don’t get me wrong I still
eat and drink as much as I am able, I ensure I stay hydrated when I am unable
to tolerate food and I seek advice when food is off my proverbial menu [don’t take
on the pun-queen unless you want to be humiliated] for longer than I’d like. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I suppose this blog is just a reminder you are not alone in seeing food
as an uphill challenge. What may seem like an unthinking aspect of the day can
be a stressful and anxiety inducing experience for others. So don’t beat
yourself up if you struggle to finish your plateful, just be sensible, patient
with yourself and your body and take care of yourself. And if you ever see me
eating soup in a steak house please don’t judge. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #333333; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-34390539018719908792017-07-19T12:29:00.002-07:002017-07-19T12:39:06.551-07:00My Kind of People<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.0pt; margin-bottom: 16.2pt;">
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Chronic illness is used as such a ‘catch all’ phrase these days. It covers a myriad of illnesses, diseases and disabilities. But then couldn’t all of those words be used in the same vein? Don’t all chronic illnesses ‘disable’ us in one way or another? Make us feel ‘diseased’? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Chronic</span></i><span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">, as it relates to illness, is defined as ‘</span><i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">persisting for a long time or constantly recurring</span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">’. Its meaning is clearly definable but the number and variety of conditions it covers is certainly not finite.<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Health, and especially frequently poor health, naturally hits highs and lows. Sometimes those lows last for what can seem like the longest time and you struggle to see an end to them. This can be hard enough to deal with on your own, but factor in having to communicate your health issues to the outside world and you’re faced with a whole new set of complications to deal with. Explaining the intricacies of a condition to an outsider can often be intimidating and challenging to say the least; particularly if you are new to it yourself and still learning. When we do discuss our condition with others and don’t get the response or reaction we perhaps expect, it can be quite the setback. Often living with a chronic illness can feel humiliating. It can be embarrassing, distressing and complex. Often we don’t want to talk about our condition, which is wholly our right, of course, yet sometimes our symptoms make that privilege all but impossible. If it is a visible condition it allows for comment, and that’s something we sadly can’t control. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">So pulling on at that thread of uninvited comment, a certain infuriating phrase that sticks in my head, and has been said to me upwards of 168798782784240 times, (at last count anyway) is:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"> <b><i>“There always seems to be something wrong with you…”</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">This is generally said as an off the cuff, (perhaps feeble attempt at humour?) with a snide undertone. It’s often spoken with a question mark at the end of it; as though we are somehow expected to answer to it. It’s not really deserving of a question mark in my humble opinion as it’s more of a statement of fact. I’m not sure what the relevance of such a question is either, other than to remind us that we </span><i style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">are </i><span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">ill, ALL THE TIME. Sadly something we are all too aware of already. The only answer that could be given to such a bizarre poser (and I find it most effective bellowed through a megaphone) is “YES, THERE </span><i style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;">IS</i><span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;"> ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME: IT’S INCURABLE”. But that response only served to get me thrown out of the library and banned from the local church the last 5 times I used it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">It is phrases such as these that are upsetting to someone with a disability and/or illness for many, MANY, reasons. Let me count the ways. (7. There are 7 ways). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">1. <b>It implies we are being untruthful about our health problems</b>. If you have to query in a suspicious tone that expects us to answer for an incurable condition then you nail your ‘I DON’T BELIEVE YOU’ colours firmly to the mast. This funnily enough doesn’t make for a comfortable conversation to follow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">2. <b>It makes us feel like a nuisance.</b> No person who even remotely cares for another person should make them feel this way. Implying we are using our condition for attention or exploiting it for our own gain is just mean at the root of it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">3. <b>It singles us out.</b> We don’t want to be sick, and we certainly don’t want to be treated any differently to a ‘normal’ person. Suggesting we are seeking some end goal other than the best<br />
possible health makes us retreat into our shells and that can be increasingly risky for those of us with already wavering mental health. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">4. <b>It makes us feel we are appearing like a hypochondriac</b>. Anyone with a chronic illness dislikes hypochondriacs intensely. We have to eat, sleep and think about illness every day; we don’t need to hear you give us chapter and verse on that one time in 1983 when you had the measles. Just because you perhaps aren’t used to hearing people talk honestly about an incurable condition doesn’t make it any less true when we do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">5. <b>It silences us from talking about our illness</b>. This is NOT good. We need to talk about our conditions because it allows us to educate, share, unload and learn. The more we remain silent on what we are experiencing the more withdrawn we become and the more ashamed we feel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">6. <b>It makes us feel embarrassed and ashamed</b>. As above: not good. Something we should never allow ourselves to feel. Chronic conditions can get such bad press; we need to be at the forefront of changing that, not being beaten down by uninformed opinions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">7. <b>It reminds us that THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING WRONG WITH US</b>. Yes, we KNOW. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">On the flip side of this ghastly and mildly insensitive coin however, when met with thoughtlessness of this degree, I often try to mentally counter these statements with any positives I can find in them. Easier said than done, especially when you are still clutching a knife to their throat, but if you take a mental (and maybe physical) step back, and look hard enough you are bound to find something. Let’s throw the negativity over the balcony, crushing it painfully below, causing irrevocable damage, and try that now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">1. Yes there IS always something wrong with me yet I’m still here, being alive alongside you, making me better than you in so, <b>so</b> many ways, and that’s <i>excluding </i>my impressive rack. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">2. No, nope, sorry I think that’s all I can come up with. Maybe I’m just not a very<br />
forgiving person. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">The issue with phrases like the aforementioned <b><i>“There always seems to be something wrong with you…” </i></b>is that, whether intended that way or not, they are simply unkind and just so unnecessary. As I’m not (at time of writing) practiced in mind control, I can’t stop people <i>thinking</i> things like that of course, but I can certainly voice my discomfort when they allow the words to leave their lips. Meaning if you’re going to openly say something along those lines to someone with a chronic illness then you should really be prepared for the potentially messy fallout. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">What may seem an entirely innocent comment on our condition to you may come across as a not-so-subtle jibe directed at us for reasons we’ll have to retreat into paranoia to discover. You see, it’s not ‘just a joke’ when you make another human being feel essentially lesser. <span style="color: #454545;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Kindness is <i>so </i><i>easy</i>. It’s often found simply in inaction. It’s <i>effortless</i>! You can be kind by just not saying that thing you know would be taken badly should the person it’s aimed at hear you. Just <i>don’t say it</i>! It’s that simple! You can be kind by taking a moment, just one precious moment, to consider the outcome<br />
of your words. If you have an inkling that what you are about to say to another<br />
human being may be mean or insulting then just don’t say it. NO, you won’t<br />
receive an award for it, but you also won’t receive a black eye, so swings and<br />
roundabouts. Think bad thoughts by all means; we <i>ALL</i> do that. It’s one of the silent joys in life. But in much the same way you wouldn’t follow up saying “I’ll kill him” with then committing<br />
ACTUAL MURDER, you can think we are lazy (for example), without actually<br />
accusing us of being so. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">Maybe just consider this: Are you the type of person who deliberately sets out to upset and offend another human being whose only crime is not acting or looking the way you want or expect them to? If you answered yes to that then I hope you find what’s missing in your life someday. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "candara" , sans-serif;">(See how easy it is to be kind instead of wishing you dead?)<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-45736546434975858502017-07-08T12:44:00.000-07:002017-07-08T12:44:13.891-07:00Hello, I Love You<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In the early days of our relationship, when my BF and I used
to argue (and we used to argue a LOT), I’d often fall down. Flat out flop
unconscious. I’d pass out and he’d have to rouse me. It was in equal parts
humiliating and frustrating. I didn’t <i>want</i>
to do it – it was out of my control, it was like my body would literally shut
down at the first sign of stress. This didn’t happen all the time of course,
just occasionally, and he’d naturally be panicked, worried (and confused). Perhaps
suspicious even; that I was somehow doing it on purpose; faking it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wasn’t. But I entirely understand why he might think I was.
It was ‘convenient’ – a distraction from the heat of an argument. Only I’d
black out, so the argument was 500miles from my mind when I came round. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The funny thing about all of this is I’m so stubborn and
defensive during arguments, that fainting in the midst of it is the absolute
last thing I’d want to do. As I’m sure you can appreciate, it’s hard to win an
argument when you are unconscious.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nowadays I’m older and (hopefully) wiser, and I try my
utmost to discuss rather than destroy when talking with the man I love. I try
not to take things personally or immaturely assume that one cross word is going
to be the end of us. I try not to ‘win’ in a game where we should be equals. Thank-fully
I also no longer faint when we do get into a disagreement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This fainting was a direct and physical reaction to stress.
My body couldn’t cope with the extremes and would quite literally shut down. I
didn’t know I had Crohn’s Disease back then; I just knew the way my body was
reacting was far from normal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But, as all insecure women are inclined to do, I just lost
myself in my own head and logically assumed I was insane. Thank-fully I’m <i>not</i> insane, (diagnosis pending I’m sure)
but unfortunately I <i>do</i> have a chronic
illness. Knowing that stress is such a massive source of my physical symptoms
has allowed me to attempt to manage it. Of course that’s much easier said than
done. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But in amongst this assortment of symptoms and barrage of knowledge
about an ever changing condition where does the other half of me fit in? The man
who has to watch as I collapse in front of him, when I throw up after he’s
cooked for me, when I writhe in pain in bed next to him? I feel a great deal of
guilt in being ‘sick’ and in love with him. I’m too selfish to leave him of course – can you
IMAGINE how often I’d collapse if I saw him with another woman? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He doesn’t <i>want</i> me
to leave him of course, which is a great relief to both me and our mortgage
provider. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But due to one of our twosome being in a state of permanent
illness, he is the one who has to see the person he loves in pain. He is the
one who feels helpless and frustrated for me. He is the one who has to spend
nights alone when I retire to bed ill yet again. He is <i>the one</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I love him. And I love all the partners of women and men
with chronic illness for their unyielding patience and compassion. It must be
hard to maintain your own personality when everyone around you asks “How is
she/he?” before “How are you?” It must be stifling when huge chunks of your conversations
are about someone else. So it’s important we remind the people we love they are
appreciated. It might be hard for us to tell you that when we are consumed by
pain or our own misfortune, but we feel it. Patients become selfish because we
are thinking about illness 99% of our day – we are sad and exasperated and don’t
want to feel the way we do. But we are in there waiting for you to pull us out
of the doldrums, and remind us we are still more than an illness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We owe you the same courtesy; so please know that we appreciate
you and everything you do, and often everything you <i>don’t</i> do; every time you don’t roll your eyes when we complain for
the 50<sup>th</sup> time in an hour, when you don’t have a tantrum when we
cancel a night out, when you don’t show your frustration when you’ve cooked for
us and we can’t eat it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We see it all. We see <i>you</i>,
and we love you. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-2725544089070967932017-06-17T11:00:00.000-07:002017-06-17T11:00:02.293-07:00Ache News <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Eight years ago today I was in hospital on one of my
increasingly common ‘investigatory’ stays. I was incredibly ill, confused, and afraid and
certainly without the first clue what Crohn’s Disease was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I would eventually be diagnosed with the disease approximately
2 months later, followed by my first surgery in the Jan of the following year. To
say it was a trying time is to put it milder than an IBD patient’s curry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’d been advised I had arthritis in the early part of this
same year and was barely getting to grips with that when this new pain began to
strike. So loooong story short, within 12 months I found myself with two life-changing
chronic illnesses, unsure of my future and facing severe surgery. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p>The reason I recall this grim year is a little because it’s
been on my mind lately due to feeling distinctly below par, but for the larger
part because I’ve been trying to recall how I felt at that time, which let’s
face it, wasn’t great. Lately there have been countless articles and ‘celebrity’
statements on IBD strewn across the internet and beyond like disused wet wipes.
These articles I refer to make comment on the ways in which patients can ‘cure’
their disease, through means of juice diets, special healing crystals, ‘unconventional’
medicine, veganism, thinking positively, preaching to the Great Lord Zuuuuzo, and
COMING OFF MEDICATION, amongst others. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">OK, so some of those may be slight exaggerations
for comedic purposes, but in all honesty after reading some of these dumpster-worthy
think pieces you’d be hard pressed to establish which ones. I’m not about to
slate any one person/publication in particular as it’s not massively helpful
and still directs more views towards these outlets they sorely don’t deserve. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All I will say is that it’s <i>very</i> important we as patients/loved ones of patients/just decent
interested human beings are selective and careful in what we accept as fact
where it comes to IBD, and any chronic illness for that matter. When I hark
back to my own state of mind as a freshly diagnosed patient I worry so much about
those men and women in the same boat as my own eight years ago. They will be encountering
these same articles, (some of which have even been publicised by leading Crohn’s
charities), and feeling hopeful there are simple fixes to their condition.
There aren’t. IBD is a complex, <i>incurable</i>
disease. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now without that meaning to sound incredibly grim, sometimes
we can’t always sugar-coat facts. We shouldn’t. We should never go into any life-changing
event with our eyes and ears wide open. Of course I am only too well aware that
being diagnosed with any illness is terrifying, whatever age you are or stage
in your life you are at. When I got sick I was in a secure and loving
relationship; but I still assumed my partner would leave me, because I felt
almost instantaneously worthless. That is long since passed, and my attitude to
my illness has changed beyond all recognition, but from time to time I still
want to scream and cry with frustration that this sickness will never leave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don’t want to preach that patients shouldn’t have hope in
times of uncertainty and fear; we all should. But we have to be careful about
where we take our information from. When we are in states of frustration and vulnerability
we shouldn’t have to filter our knowledge to suit – but sadly we do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We need to
ensure we take information on our illness from reputable sources; stick to our
doctors, consultants, medical experts. If you do venture further afield, then stick
to articles and blogs with a good following, who focus on aspects of mental-health,
relationships and ways to adapt to the illness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The most important point to remember is if you encounter
writing which advises a certain way of life/diet to ‘cure’ you, consider it an
instant red flag. If it were curable you wouldn’t need to hear it from a Z-list
celebrity in your spam folder.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-14539959321484584822017-05-25T09:35:00.001-07:002017-05-25T09:36:23.346-07:00It's a Kind of Magic A few days ago, a horrific attack happened in Manchester. I don’t need to describe the events again as I’m sure you have all read about it in painful detail, and really, I don’t want to; it’s so greatly unpleasant and upsetting. Our threat level in the UK is currently ‘critical’ and although I know those are cold hard facts that I know to be true, it still feels as if we are watching this all unfold in a sort of live action movie. <p>It’s almost too impossible to comprehend the level of depravity and evil some people are capable of, and practically on our own doorstep. </p><p>What does come out of these tragedies is the resolute power of the human spirit. Its always so heartening to see people go above and beyond to help others in situations such as these, where really we act without thought for occasions we could never have prepared for. The way humans act when under extreme pressure, or in abject danger is almost overwhelming in its beauty sometimes. </p><p>When these moments happen I wonder if I am a good person. I wonder what I would do if faced with someone in pain or in a situation where I had to act now or run. Of course I would like to think should a situation such as this arise I’d do everything and anything I could to help another person, but we never quite know do we? I wonder if I could be selfless and put the needs of others before my own. Its what I’ve been brought up to believe should be the case, despite years of adulthood being advised we should 'look after number one'.</p><p>Well looking after number one hasn’t gotten us very far thus far. Presidents' aside perhaps. </p><p>Not to say I don’t care for myself as best I can, when I can, because I do and it's important to do so. But the idea that we should put ourselves first at every available opportunity grates on me. It's a common attitude and one which serves to alienate.</p><p>There are so many people in my life I care for; I love. I can’t even bear thinking about how it would feel if one of them was taken from me suddenly and without warning. It is the definition of incomprehensible.</p><p>Therefore I think I know deep down the way I'd act if faced with sudden tragedy - with bravery. Its what I aspire to at least. </p><p>It's easy to write off our behaviour when we aren’t called upon to be ‘heroes’. We can shrug off the responsibility or guilt at feeling helpless as we perhaps are not in a physical position to help. 'I wasn't there, what can I do?' Etc. It’s easy to do/think such a thing. We all do it – make excuses to ourselves and others as to why we can’t help. </p><p>But we can help one another. Every day. In even the teeniest of ways. </p><p>We can simply treat one another with kindness and without judgment. </p><p>We can utilise patience where normally we would act with frustration. </p><p>We can complement one another where normally we may internalise jealousy. </p><p>We can help one another by listening and being a physical and comforting presence instead of making others feel pressured and uncomfortable. </p><p>We can do all those things with barely any effort at all because they are all within us. </p><p>We don’t have to save lives to make a difference to someone’s life. </p><p>(Unless of course you are currently performing a life-saving operation then please stop reading this and continue with your important work). </p><p>We can make someone feel great just by being kind to them. That fact alone is so simple yet so effective it genuinely reduces me to happy tears. So when things are painful and hard in any area of our lives, let’s try and reach out to one another with kindness and compassion; it won’t solve any of the worlds greater problems, but it might just make life a little happier for those of us still lucky enough to be around. </p><p>Love always, K ❤️<br></p><p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HSnnzrRlC_Q/WScHu1aQd6I/AAAAAAAACKo/pXFhj9K-uvUeEug3ckSL1RX9s100NG1xQCHM/%255BUNSET%255D" alt=""><br></p><p> </p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-92212692081747164912017-05-09T06:52:00.000-07:002017-05-09T06:52:13.209-07:00Every-Body's Gotta Learn Sometimes
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Something said to me in passing
recently got me thinking about the general ‘outrage’ experienced almost daily
in living with chronic illness. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Personally I’d say I’m a bit of an old hand at this
‘illness’ lark, so I’ve experienced my fair share of insensitive, thoughtless
or just plain mean, comments linked to my condition. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The most recent of these was uttered by someone I am
friendly with and who I respect and even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">like</i>
as a human being. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(Names withheld to
protect identities/avoid them being chased down the street with flaming
torches) </span></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This person commented on my weight, and joked that I’m ‘lucky
not to be unable to absorb food’. As if my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">incurable
illness</i> is some sort of fad diet that I use on occasions when I want to
look Oscar ready. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My gut (pun always intended, don’t you know me at all?!)
reaction here was of annoyance. Not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">outrage</i>,
just annoyance and frustration. I feebly tried to convey that it’s not
something I consider to be ‘lucky’ to have, and that I am seriously ill. I mentioned
that I would love to be able to enjoy food and be a steady healthy weight, but
that all of that just came out sounding a little bitter and whiny. Perhaps
because the original comment was not intended as a slight on me or my illness,
but jokey ‘banter’ implying nothing more than that the joker would like to be a
little slimmer. Was I overreacting? I’m sure both of us have different
viewpoints on that because we both entered into the conversation with our own
(wildly different) expectations. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Problem here though is that comments thrown out in jest
often have ripples which cause much more damage than any original intention. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When sweeping comments are made it often serves to alienate
people in one fluid motion. For example how did this particular person know I
was happy with my weight? (For the record I’m not; I’d much rather be a little
heavier, I’ve been this weight since I was 12 years old – it’s not ideal for a
33 year old woman). My weight also serves as a constant reminder that my health
hasn’t improved. If I’m not putting any weight on I’m still not getting the
nutrients and vitamins I need to help me reach my ultimate goal of NOT DYING. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the early days of living with chronic illness I found
myself in a state of constant simmering rage. I was angry at being stuck with
this disease and all its off-shoots, and the smallest of insensitive comments would
send<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my mood stratospheric. Not good for
my stress levels and certainly not good for my health in the short or long
term. Nowadays I feel a little mellower. Don’t get me wrong I still feel that
sharp desire to behead someone who mocks my afflictions, but that’s natural isn’t
it?! That wholesome urge to kill ignorant strangers? ISNT IT?? </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I digress. My point here is that it’s important in amongst the
slew of unkind and ignorant comments we hear, to listen for the ones where we
can educate. It’s imperative we take stock and put out own health at the top of
the conversational pecking order; is it really that vital that we bubble with rage
at a colleague who says something we deem inappropriate for example? Can we
respond in a way that doesn’t involve knives? All of these questions I try to
consider now when someone says something that makes me feel vulnerable or frustrated
in living with this illness. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The simple fact is people will always upset and frustrate
us. We all do it to one another on a daily basis. But intention plays a huge
part – we should always stunt ourselves from flying into a rage by taking a few
seconds to question whether whatever was said was done out of malice, or cruelty.
Was it ‘just a joke’ (albeit one at our expense) and do we really want to waste
already lacking energy in diving headfirst into an argument about it? </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now when someone says something I find offensive I try to
call it out. I tell someone if they’ve upset me, and I make sure I come from a place
of love and education when I do it. I don’t tolerate what I don’t deem an acceptable
way to discuss my condition. I try to face rudeness head on by meeting it with
logic and not just unbridled emotion. It seems to be working for me because I haven’t
murdered anyone in at least a month. A new personal best. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ignorance is an opportunity for education, so I try my best
to put my rage on the backburner and take it. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But if someone slams the door in my Mum’s face in a shopping
centre, you better believe I WILL KILL AGAIN. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-14270748689672923942017-04-29T12:19:00.000-07:002017-04-29T12:19:06.936-07:00Ari You Gonna Be My Girl? <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In a few days my friend Ari is coming all the way from
Argentina to holiday in Scotland (and see me). She’ll be staying with my
partner and I for lots of the trip and we will even go away on a little mini
holiday of our own in the middle. This will be the first time we’ve ‘met’ face
to face after talking on the internet for maybe 3 or 4 years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We chat <i>EVERYDAY.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That’s rare in this day and age (and certainly for me) probably
because I don’t feel that interesting or engaging most of the time. Yet this
friendship is easy, fun and loving. It puts me at ease and there are no
judgements on either side. She just makes me laugh and feel precious and our
bond feels effortless. I can’t wait to meet my darling Ari in real life (and
prove to everyone she isn’t a 45 year old man from Croydon). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although I feel I know Ari very well and am not in any way
nervous about meeting her, I’ve been thinking about how bold a move it is for
her to fly halfway across the world for the sake of a friendship (and
vegetarian haggis obvs). Friendships often get harder to make as we age so that’s
one of many reasons why this one is so important to me. It came into my life at
just the right time and now feels like it (she) has always been there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m in my 30’s now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So as these things do, many of my childhood and teenage
friendships have dissipated over time; wrapped themselves up in quite a neat
and healthy bow. Without meaning to sound harsh, some friendships just serve a
purpose at a certain time and struggle to survive beyond their particular environment. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Work relationships for example: once a close colleague leaves, or you move on
it can be a tricky tightrope to walk in terms of whether or not you should maintain
what may essentially have been kinship over a water-cooler and not much more.
Thank-fully I’ve made a few AMAZING friends through work in my own life and I can’t
see those relationships ever fading. I think the feeling is mutual on both
sides and that’s comforting (and pressure free). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As most people with chronic illness will understand,
maintaining relationships can be hard, and often disappointing. When people we
love prove themselves to be flaky or uninterested in what is essentially a
massive part of our lives it can be a bitter pill to swallow. And we already
have enough of them to ingest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Friends who love us will make an attempt to understand what
we are going through, they will check in with us regularly and make us laugh,
or simply give us a shoulder to cry on when we need it. With us returning the
favour of course. Friendships when you are sick should still be a two-way
street; we don’t become patients rather than people, but they may just need
some adaption. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When anything changes in life we try our best to accept, adapt
and move on, and the same goes for pals. We become adaptable. Adapti<i>pals</i> if you will. You won’t? No problem,
I still love you, pals. xo</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-5406371549822884772017-04-23T09:47:00.001-07:002017-04-23T09:47:21.005-07:00Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much a chronic
illness can change a person. Typically this phenomenon isn’t unique to a diagnosis
of illness of course; a person can ‘change’ for countless reasons. But one of
the most substantial is a sudden and drastic alteration to our life. An
unexpected shock. A bombshell. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Of course not all diagnoses of illness follow this ‘bombshell’
route – many of us are eventually diagnosed with something after a long and
protracted period of sickness. Symptoms build and we experience all the ups and
downs and confusion that goes alongside being continually ill, rather than just
waking up one morning and finding ourselves ‘diseased’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It might not seem much of a revelation to talk about a
person changing due to illness. It’s not. Being told you have an illness which is
incurable and/or will be a continual struggle for the remainder of your life has
a huge mental and physical impact on a person. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The bright side of this process of change is that said change
doesn’t have to be negative. That’s something I certainly found difficult to
grasp for a long time after my own diagnosis; I focused solely on what and whom
I’d lost, what I could no longer do and what this illness had done to strip
away from who I used to be. It made me sad, frustrated, despondent and so, so <i>angry</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anger is powerful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It can be a cause for action, a good catalyst to spur us
into productive fight – we use our anger at the injustices of the world to
fight back against governments, against unfair laws, against sexism, racism,
bigotry of any kind. So undoubtedly anger is not always a bad thing. For
someone like myself who has routinely hated confrontation I’ve tried to appreciate
that anger is something that cannot (and shouldn’t) be contained forever. It has
to have an outlet, and that choice of outlet should be one of our choosing which
doesn’t cause damage to you, others or your own heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What I mean by that is I’ve been on the receiving end of
anger which hasn’t been funnelled in a safe way – where it comes out as spat-out
obscenities you’ll regret later, where it comes out through hasty and stupid
choices, or through a clenched fist. None of these scenarios end well, and they
certainly don’t lend to us <i>being well</i>.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anger for me is a part of life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m angry a lot and I wish I weren’t. I have a lot <i>not</i> to be angry about – I have a job I enjoy,
I get to write, I have a loving family and friends, and I have a partner who
without whom I’d surely turn to dust. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I <i>am</i> angry
because I have a chronic illness that causes me to spend my life in pain. I
have learned (as best as anyone can) to live and adapt to it, but my condition
is ever changing and unpredictable. I’m angry because I am someone who now
struggles massively with anxiety and suffers from depression. That may all have
come to my door with or without Crohn’s, but nevertheless it’s here and it’s
the ‘thing’ I’m angry at. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling some form of anger at
being ‘sick’, but like every aspect of this illness what matters now is how I cope
with it. How I choose to act and how I live despite it. I hope that that is
without bitterness and resentment, because as much as I wish I wasn’t a permanent
patient, I am grateful for whom I have ‘changed’ into throughout my
sickly-life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My heart is full of love and lust for life. I want
to live life to the full and I get angry and frustrated when it feels like that
life is being stunted or shortened. But as I can’t use my anger to paint
banners and march to Parliament to rid myself (and all of you) of this illness,
I <i>can</i> use it to remind myself that
simply feeling it means I’m alive. If that isn’t something to fight for I don’t
know what is.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-84453391991863505922017-04-09T12:31:00.001-07:002017-04-09T12:31:16.854-07:00Back On The Pain Gang Like many, many people with an incurable illness I suffer from chronic pain. <p>Pain is not often the crux of my writing because I tend to favour focusing on talking about things I feel I have some semblance of control over; like my relationships, my mental health and my attitude towards my illness. </p><p>Pain is a whole other topic that I don't usually discuss in detail for many reasons; namely because I know a lot of people who are new to this disease read my ramblings and I don't want to terrify them, I don't like upsetting my loved ones, and I like to not think about pain when I can. Often it's none of those things and I simply can't deal with anything but my pain. <br></p><p>Pain is often nigh on impossible to quantify. It's also incredibly difficult to explain to someone on the outside of your own car-crash carcass. <br></p><p>My partner asked me earlier if I was OK when I truly wasn't and I said "Fine... actually no just in excruciating pain" which made him laugh - not because he finds my misfortune amusing, (he's not Christian Grey), but it was a hollow laugh where he acknowledged a bit of relief at me finally catching myself and being honest. </p><p>The reason the "I'm fine" often comes into play is because it's easier. Not in the long term I grant you, but in the short omg-i-think-im-dying term. It's exhausting being in pain and the last thing we generally want to do is talk about it. <br></p><p>My hair hurts today. My teeth hurt. How do you explain that to someone who doesn't experience pain on a regular if not daily basis? They think you are overreacting. They don't have anything to compare it to so they work backwards from their own experience and assume you must be exaggerating. We see you disbelieve us. We see you pity us. And we resent it. </p><p>We are forced to talk about pain, namely describe it, a lot. We have to do it to help our doctors solve any medical mysteries, to get the pain relief we need, to express why we are unable to do something/someone. <br></p><p>We have to tell if it's 'dull', 'stabbing', 'sharp', 'persistent' and various other words used to describe Law & Order. I don't really know what the majority of these words mean in relation to what I feel but I have to use something; it seems screaming incoherently and performing an elaborate death rattle gets you ejected from the ward and I can't risk that happening again. </p><p>The problem with talking about pain when you’re ‘in’ it, is that it allows room for little else other than feeling it. It can be genuinely difficult to even form a coherent sentence when you are experiencing it. I suppose that’s why doctors have developed these charts; the ‘how many out of 10’ and the ilk, for speed and accuracy in treating us. But those charts don’t apply when you are talking to people outside of the doctor’s surgery. </p><p>Pain is subjective and can be all encompassing. Tolerances of pain differ from person to person and can even change over time. When someone is chronically ill pain is a daily occurrence and something we don't always wish to wax lyrical about. That's why we try to adapt our lives around it. Sometimes that's not always possible but on good days, good moments, it is. <br></p><p>We might not tell you we're in pain sometimes and that's OK. It's our choice and it might just be our way of distracting ourselves; so please be patient and don't expect miracles from us. Don’t let us see that we are frustrating you if we are. I know that may seem selfish but we honestly won’t have the energy to get into any form of debate with you, from brokering a trade deal between countries to forgetting to take the bin out, it’s all impossible. <br></p><p>Give us a bit of time to feel ‘normal' again once the worst is over and don’t make us feel that we should apologise for it. Even though I’m 99.9% sure we will later anyway. <br></p><p>Just be kind to us, it really is that simple.</p><p><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-iau0DQpUBO0/WOqLlkxi_rI/AAAAAAAACJM/CGAEDX22f0g/%25255BUNSET%25255D.jpg" alt=""><br></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-66040685949588199342017-03-31T08:48:00.001-07:002017-03-31T08:48:14.933-07:00A Little Bump and Kind <div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don’t have daughters. I don’t have children at all for
that matter. I have a huge dog, a cat and am soon to have another little kitten
brought into our fur-filled household. All of this aside, I do have friends
with beautiful babies who are blossoming into incredible little people before
my eyes. I don’t doubt that perhaps one day I’ll desire a family of my own; I’m
in a committed long term relationship and it’s the ‘done thing’ after all; but
for now I’m happy as I am. We’re happy as we are. If that changes, then so be
it, but for now; my womb my business. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It is odd the interest in your reproductive organs that
grows as we age. I haven’t been ‘<i>blessed’</i>
with a child. I haven’t ‘<i>realised’</i> it’s
what I want yet. I’ll ‘<i>never know until I
do it’</i>. It’s common to be left feeling patronised and like a borderline oddity
when everyone around you seems to understand what you want and need better than
you do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Childless women are just that for a myriad of different
reasons. Some of us are not in secure relationships, some of us are unable to conceive,
some of our partners have issues with fertility, and some of us simply don’t want
to have a child. I know that is an alien concept to so, <i>so</i> many women. I know that from 99% of the conversations I have
with mothers. Thank-fully, my own close friends who have families are much more
accepting of what <i>I</i> choose to do with
<i>my</i> vagina, and that’s great. They understand
that children are not for everyone and that many of us can still (incredibly) lead
happy and fulfilled lives without disrupting our sleep patterns and tearing our
genitals to shreds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That said I do feel a strange kinship with my friends who
have children. Although it’s not necessarily something I want for my own future,
the love I feel for their spawn often takes me by surprise. It helps me
understand the unconditional nature of a mothers love in a small way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I feel the same pull from the young women who message me
about their illness. Some to talk about a diagnosis or some just to let me know
they appreciate having someone else speak up about IBD/mental health. I feel a
responsibility to the girls and young women who follow my blog to be respectful
of their choices. Their fears are universal and have been felt by all of us to
some degree. I don’t have a ‘fear’ of starting a family I should clarify; I just
don’t want to. That doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the same respect as a mother receives.
My choices shouldn’t be dismissed or belittled for not conforming to some sort
of perceived ideal, and this serves to remind me how important it is that we,
as adult women; aunts, friends, <i>mothers</i>;
listen and respect the choices of our ‘daughters’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When we talk to one another we should try harder to listen,
truly listen, to what is said (and often what is unsaid) before judging. We all
do it, I’m not claiming to be as pure as the driven snow here, but I do think it’s
now more important than ever we help young women to grow accepting of themselves
and one another. Life is hard and growing up even harder, throw into the mix
the possibility of a chronic/mental illness and it can be difficult to see past
the next few hours within the day let alone make choices that will affect the
rest of our lives. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So my ‘motherly’ advice (from a certified non-mother) is to
simply be kind to your kind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today is National Kindness Day (apparently), so what better
day to start! xo</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-78629198589533273032017-03-26T14:20:00.002-07:002017-03-28T08:03:04.741-07:00Fake That Hello. <br />
<br />
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about ‘faking it’. No, not in the bedroom; my years of shrieking in faux pleasure to please someone are long gone since I met a man who knows what goes where (and cares if I experience joy). What I refer to is more the daily ‘faking it’ we do in living with a chronic illness. We fake feeling ‘well’ everyday of our lives.<br />
<br />
I personally haven’t been around 'online' for a wee while. You might have noticed; you might not have. That’s fine. People come and go out of our lives all the time and especially in this digital age it’s sometimes even harder to keep on top of all the people in our real lives and in our phones. So I pre-empt this blog with that wee nugget so the people I love don’t feel any guilt for maybe not having noticed the fact that I’ve been struggling for quite a while now.<br />
<br />
The main reason people haven’t noticed is because I’m a good actress. I know how to act happy and well because I’ve been doing it for so long. So long in fact that I often don’t know how not to ‘act’ and just ‘be’. The reason this has been playing on my mind lately is because it’s something I worry has slowly but surely assimilated itself into all areas of my life without my being fully aware of it.
This is a long winded way of telling you all I've been feeling blue for a while now. I've been finding life and everything in it borderline impossible to bear and I’ve become tired of hiding that from everyone.<br />
<br />
I am the Queen of advocating that we should all be open and honest about our feelings, our illnesses, and speak without fear and without shame about our mental health. Advice I haven’t truly taken myself for quite a while now. The truth is I am feeling a bit crushed by constant and crippling anxiety. I've been unable to feel much of anything. I've been 'play-acting' my emotions. When the truth is that I am not sure what to feel and when. I perhaps portray what I *think* people want to see or what will help me navigate a situation. I paint on a smile when I need to and it fades as quickly as it comes. For a while there I couldn't remember when I last felt happy for more than a fleeting moment.<br />
<br />
That, of course, has absolutely no bearing on the people around me. No one ‘makes’ someone depressed. There are aspects of behaviour that can of course exacerbate an already anxious persons' mood but none of that is applicable in my case. No one has done this to me. I haven’t even done it to myself; I’ve just maybe let it happen without interference.<br />
<br />
So what to do? Please, please, don’t pity me. I've just been taking a little break from everything to get myself well. It’s hard to stop and take stock of what is making you unhappy and I’m doing that. I’m on medication to help my muddled head and reduce my anxiety and I’ll get there. I'm happier now than I have been in a while just admitting it all. It's good to speak up when you're able, so please do if you're struggling. It's so much more of an achievement than you might think.<br />
<br />
So thank-you, and I love you, and I’ll see you soon xo<br />
<br />
<img alt="" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BfrgzehNHRI/WNgwntKD5LI/AAAAAAAACH8/3WuUj843tZs/%25255BUNSET%25255D.jpg" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-35297375617501286032017-03-02T08:12:00.000-08:002017-03-02T08:12:10.163-08:00Nerve Agent
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’ve always been shy. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It took me a good few weeks to stop weeping for my Mum aged 5 starting school.
I would go beetroot-faced when asked a question in front of the class aged 10,
and I’d laugh nervously like a borderline lunatic when a boy so much as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">looked</i> at me, aged 15. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Most of that has dissipated these days, thankfully. Although I do still
cling onto my Mum’s foot every time she attempts to leave my house, but like
the majority of us, I’m a work in progress. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Those childhood nerves and inhibitions may have subsided gradually as I’ve
aged and been opened up to more experiences and seen a little more of the world,
but they seem to have been replaced with something almost even more intrusive; </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Anxiety. </span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This wasn’t something I was bothered by to a massive degree ‘pre-Crohn’s’.
But it’s something I now often struggle to get a handle on. Unlike my Mothers’
ankle. It certainly wasn’t something I’d have considered to be an ‘issue’
either until I realised it was impacting my own life. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">There is a big difference from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">saying</i>
you are an ‘anxious person’ to actually trying to make a dent in coping with
it. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My anxiety manifests itself in many ways: </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<ul style="direction: ltr; list-style-type: disc;">
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I’ll
overthink anything and everything. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I’ll work myself up into a frenzy about the ‘what
if’s’ of any given situation. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I’ll put off doing things through nerves. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I’ll stare at the phone until it stops ringing. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I’ll
talk and babble too much to fill what I’ve decided is an ‘awkward’ silence. </div>
</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anxiety is a common issue with those of us with chronic illness because
we spend a lot of our time thinking about ‘it’. We have a lot of factors to…
factor in to our life alongside the normal day to day activities that we all
undertake. Whether the issue is with mobility, pain, bathroom worries or mental
health issues; we all have our own fears and apprehensions surrounding our
illness. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Of course getting stuck in our own heads is often dangerous and
isolating, so step one in overcoming the worst of this is really in talking
about our worries. When we do this we often find they are sorely unfounded and
based on nothing more than our overactive imaginations. Not always, but often.
When we decide how someone is feeling/thinking about us, we also insult them,
and eliminate the chance of them proving us wrong. We push people away through
using our own fears as a barrier. Look, I don’t have the answers on how to cope
with this, I just want to share with you that you’re not alone in feeling like
an insane person from time to time! </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">What works for me may not work for you, but talking is really important.
Don’t be afraid to admit you are scared and nervous and that its overwhelming
you. It so much more common than you think. People who love you and/or doctors
can help to give you clarity on your feelings. Stop beating yourself up for
something that is simply a factor of an ongoing illness. It’s not shameful to
admit you are mentally struggling; quite the opposite in fact. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So the next time someone from Accounts doesn’t say ‘hi’ back to you in
the morning at work, maybe don’t spend all day wondering what horrific atrocity
you’ve committed against them and accept that maybe they just didn’t hear you. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">That <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> the case isn’t it
Linda? You just didn’t hear me? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">LINDA…?!?</i>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-39019830563182262882017-02-24T07:46:00.000-08:002017-02-24T07:46:14.424-08:00Diseasey Peasy
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I receive quite a lot of messages and
emails from young people who have recently been diagnosed with IBD. It makes me
happy and sad in equal measure; happy that they reaching out to talk to someone
about their worries (albeit a decidedly unqualified person like me), and sad
because they are struggling with something incredibly distressing on top of all
the usual, more common yet challenging aspects of ‘growing up’. Some of them
are just looking for reassurance and advice on how best to live with a chronic
illness; some of them don’t want to live at all. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do of course reply to these messages, as quickly as I can
and with as much information as I can, but I often feel at a loss as to what to
say to soothe a young man or woman who’s experiences perhaps mirror my own
fears from several years earlier. I try to think about what I wanted to hear
when I was diagnosed: what might have made the whole thing a little less scary,
and I hit a frustrating brick wall. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was lucky myself in the sense that I was (officially)
diagnosed when I was in my mid-twenties. I certainly didn’t <i>feel</i> lucky
of course; I was heartbroken, confused and devastated. I imagine it feels that
way irrespective of your age mind you, we all have different tolerances and
being told you are never getting better stings regardless of what stage in your
life you are at.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I suppose what I’m clumsily trying to express is that I
feel at a loss at times to help those who are experiencing what I have. What I <i>am</i>.
</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then I try to take a breath and remember that all I wanted
to hear when I was first sick was that life would go on. I still do. Don’t get
me wrong – I undoubtedly would not have thanked <i>anyone</i> for spouting that
at me at the time of my diagnosis; I didn’t want life to go on if I’d have to
carry this disease with me for the remainder of it. I didn’t believe it and I
couldn’t accept it. But as I’ve grown alongside my illness (I’m now in my
mid-thirties), I’ve found my outlook has changed along with my priorities. All
I care about now is my own happiness and that of those around me. My illness is
still a huge part of my life and always will be, one that can consume me from
time to time, but those moments pass. Chronic illness is a slippery path
whereby sometimes we wobble a little, sometimes we can’t get on an even keel,
but nevertheless we never lie down to it; we don’t have that luxury. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But the truth is, our life does go on. We are incredibly
lucky in that sense. We will have to make adaptions to those lives to make room
for this illness, we don’t like that but it’s easier than trying to bat it away
like a pesky wasp at a jam sandwich. We have to accept it and stop fighting its
basic existence. Denial is fruitless and prolongs the period of time it takes
to come to terms with having an incurable illness. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don’t get me wrong here though, I’m not implying ANY of this
is easy; sometimes I even have a little cry myself when I feel low – I often
feel I’m back to square one with this and the frustration of that can be
overwhelming. But if I’ve learnt anything since I was diagnosed it’s the
importance of talking. Talk to your parents, your friends, your nurse, talk to
me! Don’t push yourself into it – there’s no shame in that either; the last
thing I wanted to do at first was talk about this with <i>anyone</i>, but
eventually that changed and it became more of a comfort and camaraderie than a
fear. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So please remember that you are not alone. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Things will get easier and you will learn to live with this.
Like every challenge in life it feels monumental at first, but the more steps
you take towards dealing with it the easier it becomes. I’m not in any way
saying I love having a bowel disease – I hate it – but it has also taught me
boundless things about my own body, its shown me a strength I never thought I
could find and its brought me closer to the people I love. It’s made me value
my own life, and allowed me an opportunity to help me help you to value yours. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So if you take anything from my ramblings let it be this:
disease is hard and scary and intimidating, but your life is worth the
challenge. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidOye0zu-EMoBuvyxCvy_fpErTIHQxg5-bFosUiC3iYHSnY8e5UztE6lfBJtwzAtlGwhyphenhyphenlU9r9NabccgGKeBzLDhknUOp9rTlCJecLq0RWxqvwPvxUxsS7npc2tsksmj_ngMBd_l-Us05A/s1600/iphone+112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidOye0zu-EMoBuvyxCvy_fpErTIHQxg5-bFosUiC3iYHSnY8e5UztE6lfBJtwzAtlGwhyphenhyphenlU9r9NabccgGKeBzLDhknUOp9rTlCJecLq0RWxqvwPvxUxsS7npc2tsksmj_ngMBd_l-Us05A/s320/iphone+112.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-13210787372052050292017-02-21T05:17:00.000-08:002017-02-21T05:17:53.616-08:00Let Them Eat Cake!
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My blog turned 6 last week! </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know what you are thinking; blogs can’t have birthdays,
they are not sentient beings, so why waste decent cake? I hear you! But this
particular ‘birthday’ has felt worthy of celebration mainly because I’ve sadly
neglected my blog lately. I’ve had a new job to focus on and the completion of
a new book I’ve been working on since my first came out last year. Also I’ve
been ill. Not front page news that last one I grant you; some might even say
it’s what this blog is all about, and yes I appreciate that smarty-pants. But
being ‘sick’ can often feel like a full time job in itself and it overwhelms
anything and everything. It interferes in work, relationships, your state of
mind. It demands attention. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But this blog was started as an outlet for me to express my
fears, experiences and abject terror at having a chronic illness, and while it
still is such a place to allow me to vent or share, it’s become somewhat more
of a safe place where I can come to talk openly and without judgement (although
my inbox may say otherwise). It has granted me the opportunity to help others
simply but sharing my life with you and making cat jokes. So rather than spend
this special occasion focusing on the more negative aspects of my illness I
thought I’d celebrate this 6<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> birthday with a little bit about all
the good stuff that’s happened in my life since this blog was ‘born’. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here are my 6 happy things: </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<ol style="direction: ltr; list-style-type: decimal;">
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I have written and had published a book on
Crohn’s Disease which is doing well and getting great feedback. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I have focused more on nurturing my
relationships and this has been wonderful and reaped countless rewards. (No I’m
not talking about the bedroom, get your heads out of the gutter). </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
Although my health has been a consistent
challenge and treatments have failed I haven’t had any further surgery which I
take as a big win. *<b>touches all of the wood</b>*</div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
We got a giant dog! Who makes me incredibly
happy, cares for me and makes me and laugh and cry at his cuteness every day. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
I changed jobs and it’s been an incredible boost
to my mental health and stress levels. </div>
</li>
<li style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"><div style="color: black; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">
My amazing friend Lyndsay gave me a bike! So now
I cycle to said new job and have much more time with my family (and longer lie
ins) while getting a little daily exercise. Also my thighs could now quite
easily crush a grown man’s head. </div>
</li>
</ol>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So it’s not been all bad since Crohnological Order began.
I’m happy and alive and that’s a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">great</i>
start. I’ve been granted some wonderful opportunities since writing this diseased
drivel and I want to continue to use what little voice I have to help others. SO
thanks for sticking with me for the last 6 years and hopefully beyond! I love
you! xox</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9z22PKJ5ADh6JGE2PNoMTBORR9mLflpBR_TyQBc-4Z80tBHBsod_cirmbsi8HpalhM529uqytyRlXQaASjmsQfxYBv8gXyx3i7OqGrPEordv3-VOUM921QoiZ0bk3SKuiinIcWjlluU_4/s1600/iphone+114.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9z22PKJ5ADh6JGE2PNoMTBORR9mLflpBR_TyQBc-4Z80tBHBsod_cirmbsi8HpalhM529uqytyRlXQaASjmsQfxYBv8gXyx3i7OqGrPEordv3-VOUM921QoiZ0bk3SKuiinIcWjlluU_4/s1600/iphone+114.jpg" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-75268518079847029332017-01-15T05:23:00.003-08:002017-01-15T05:23:38.631-08:00OMG!! SEE ME TOTALLY NAKED IN THIS LEAKED SEX TAPE!!! <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">OK now that I've got your attention, I'd like to take a few
minutes to talk to you about these so called 'click-bait' articles with
eye-catching and inevitably misleading titles (of which the above is); and in
particular how they can negatively impact on our health. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now as you may have established by this point, the chances
of you seeing me ‘<i>TOTALLY NAKED’</i> and
in a ‘<i>SEX</i> TAPE!!!’ are slim to none. I’m
sorry to be the bearer of bad news so early in the blog but you’re the one who
clicked, so more fool you! Besides, who even uses the word 'tape' anymore? Get
with the program losers! What is this, 1992?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Anyway, regardless of whether you clicked this link because there
was a vain hope of seeing my melons, or because you were just intrigued as to
whether I’d finally lost my mind; now that we are all here, let’s get to the
matter in hand. Despite the fact that this title is undoubtedly false and deceptive
it did its job in getting you to click on the preceding link, maybe to even to
hang around and read the whole article. So in that sense it has been an effective
tool. Effective yes, yet undoubtedly frustrating too, (in particular for those
of you still vainly holding out for a peep at my wares). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">NOT HAPPENING PLEASE MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But while we can all laugh at the absurdity of this
particular title, what of those articles with similarly attention grabbing titles,
aimed for the most part at the more vulnerable and desperate among us? Those of
us who are perhaps crying out for a 'solution', whatever it may be. Well, here
we find my pet hate: the ‘health’ click-bait. In case any of you are still in
the dark about what I mean by ‘click-bait’ please see this definition: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“(on the Internet)
content whose main purpose is to attract attention and encourage visitors to
click on a link to a particular web page”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL23fqKlf7f4mx-5OQxwgJLBduBW1p2hrV4RQ1C8-zCVDeC5YHgor0W7oBceDu7LyU-CFuMSpUoKfZ7wRVo6f4psaI2cq_1EK57uYAcQBXmCHli2ojelXUUsu8qVics0F_9uQPC6iRTaUE/s1600/thumbnail_IMG_6966.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL23fqKlf7f4mx-5OQxwgJLBduBW1p2hrV4RQ1C8-zCVDeC5YHgor0W7oBceDu7LyU-CFuMSpUoKfZ7wRVo6f4psaI2cq_1EK57uYAcQBXmCHli2ojelXUUsu8qVics0F_9uQPC6iRTaUE/s320/thumbnail_IMG_6966.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">These are those articles that draw us sickly individuals in
with promised 'cures' and quick fixes, advice on someone’s ‘miracle cure’ or
how someone else ‘cured themselves with tree bark’ or some other such nonsense.
Once clicked on, these articles (usually a mere few barely decipherable
sentences) inevitably lead us down the rabbit hole of terrible advertising and
ineligible text, over-priced products and bad advertising. Maybe they will follow
on where the article left off and attempt to sell us a product that promises to
cure all of our ails. The one certainty is that they are definite time-wasters.
They offer inane hope to those of us who perhaps have none, they lie and explain
our conditions in a vague and unintelligible way, they grope in the dark for
anything they can grab on to in order to gain an audiences favour. Just like
your Mum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In my humble opinion, any article that struggles of
CORRECTLY SPELL the name of the condition it writes about, promises a ‘cure’ it
can never prove, admonishes patients for a perceived lack of effort, undermines
our suffering, or simply insults us in a roundabout way, is GARBAGE. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So my own advice would be to avoid these headlines and their
preceding hogwash ‘journalism’ unless they come from a reputable source (or a
QUALIFIED DOCTOR). And if you find yourself drawn in by an article promising
you the world where your health is concerned (yes EVEN if it contains the
promise of a bare naked chest), pull out immediately. As the Actress said to
the Bishop. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-17457263049918479372016-12-31T03:31:00.001-08:002016-12-31T03:31:32.411-08:00HAPPY NEW REAR!
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It’s time for one of those 'end of
year' posts we bloggers love to write (and you dread to read)! </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">And what a year it's been. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">HORRIFIC. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I won’t even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">begin</i> to go into the changes we’ve undergone with Brexit here and Trump
over there, because I don’t want to projectile vomit all over the screen. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We've played a seemingly endless game
of 'Who's Dead Today?' this year with almost everyone in the public-eye quaking
in their boots at the mere sniff of a cough that they'll be 'next'. Of course
for me the hardest of these 'celebrity' deaths was my beloved David Bowie. I genuinely
sobbed when the news hit and felt the same grief I would for a loved one. It
seemed so utterly confusing that I would mourn someone I've never met, but the
depth of feeling I had for his music (and the shock of his unexpected death
through illness) hit me more than I could have expected. I suppose with a
sudden and unanticipated death such as his, it hit a lot of his fans in a
similarly painful way. So many other deaths followed, that this year switching
on the breakfast news each morning seemed like opening the world’s </span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">most
depressing advent calendar.</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTel17g9ppmeD9Z2gxQbJX1K48qkkT39F-Kj1m6ME6YDuTRiqCqWUctg45_Hq4pgLMr17y10129REdxpzhRvZG9zBT-54arlJRcYftIXe_n6NBlVaLDSIg7VYNo9yYzoGOOw0bL7lC1bbs/s1600/blogger-image-1426543248.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTel17g9ppmeD9Z2gxQbJX1K48qkkT39F-Kj1m6ME6YDuTRiqCqWUctg45_Hq4pgLMr17y10129REdxpzhRvZG9zBT-54arlJRcYftIXe_n6NBlVaLDSIg7VYNo9yYzoGOOw0bL7lC1bbs/s320/blogger-image-1426543248.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The next big setback in my year came
when our beloved cat passed away. We knew he was poorly and would in time be
heading to that giant Cat Scratcher in the sky, but his death was very sudden
and still came as a big and heart-breaking shock. Our beautiful boy was so
special and such an intrinsic part of our little family that his loss is still
felt around the house. The loss of a pet can be surprisingly heart-breaking:
when they are such a huge part of the family it takes a while to adjust to him
not being home. </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIp75lvcRNcrOtpsFrHNNxJTlVP2znGLsxLsdokjO1Xcq94k5Mivq8LcfGTJUqMSKZh28suXDSoME3FpoDnL6wBGVn4OITQl-Tc9FqanD9FoIPkn0oa_hMz-3FoDZ4qMMjlNFF2rrt7HxE/s1600/2012-05-01+18.01.03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIp75lvcRNcrOtpsFrHNNxJTlVP2znGLsxLsdokjO1Xcq94k5Mivq8LcfGTJUqMSKZh28suXDSoME3FpoDnL6wBGVn4OITQl-Tc9FqanD9FoIPkn0oa_hMz-3FoDZ4qMMjlNFF2rrt7HxE/s320/2012-05-01+18.01.03.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">But for me certainly 2016 has not
been all bad. And really as we know, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it’s
all about ME</i>. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">This year saw me quit my job of over
10 years to take on a new challenge closer to home and allow me more time for
writing and working on book 2! Scary but incredibly exhilarating, and definitely
the right decision. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">This leads us on neatly to the next
big emotional event in my 2016: The publication of my first book! <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Go-Your-Crohn-Way-Disease/dp/1848193165">GO YOUR CROHN WAY</a>
came out in May and was a whirlwind of anxiety and joy. It was a surprisingly emotional
time for me for many reasons; because it was a reassurance I wasn't a terrible
writer, because it was coming from a place where I could hopefully help others
in a wider way, and because it was a painful part of my life being transformed
into something positive. We had a wonderful book launch (<a href="http://crohnologicalorder.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/the-crohn-way-soiree.html">The Crohn Way Soiree</a>) which was one of the best night's of my life. Excluding that time a taxi appeared just as the heel on my stiletto broke. I've had such good feedback from patients and their
families alike that's it's made my heart swell. It’s been well received so
far, I’ve been on radio, in papers and a local MP has even put forward a motion
to have it mentioned in Scottish Parliament! This is about the only level of
fame I could tolerate without exploding into a ball of anxiety and feeling the
need to wear makeup everyday/brush my mane so I’m pretty happy with that :) </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkhnMXULo-1aPfg7MV3vLFywIzR7JULk16KbKG-LqtcD-Q6iP7WRrmmRyIyQGSGNV50SjYZyjknEiuhKfrflFmJgVsWNRT9ngjnX43BtX1KaHGlQ8u9t4RpXWKmkFm9QfiZGxqC7RIvyvb/s1600/2016-05-22+09.47.38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkhnMXULo-1aPfg7MV3vLFywIzR7JULk16KbKG-LqtcD-Q6iP7WRrmmRyIyQGSGNV50SjYZyjknEiuhKfrflFmJgVsWNRT9ngjnX43BtX1KaHGlQ8u9t4RpXWKmkFm9QfiZGxqC7RIvyvb/s320/2016-05-22+09.47.38.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I’m currently working on book two and
it all seems pretty exciting and that I’ve found where I want to be in life which
is incredibly comforting. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The year ended for me on a pretty low
note as I’ve been advised my treatment is no longer effective and my body is
fighting against it (again). So back to the diseased drawing board. I spent
most of the lead up to Christmas in hospital and it was extremely disheartening,
just the idea of being properly ‘sick’ again. Tests and procedures and hospital
food; none of us want it. But I was lucky enough to get home for Christmas. Now
just awaiting more of the same, scopes and tests until we know what may work
for me where others haven’t. I’m trying my best to think positive about this as
I know I’ll get there, just stuck in limbo at the minute. </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2017 will hopefully be healthier for
us all. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">For me, this year despite many, MANY
setbacks, I have achieved something I never thought I would, I’ve made a brave decision
or two, I’m in love and loved and HAPPY. Good health will follow, and if not, I’ve
got all the love I need to help me through it. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Your support, however small or large this
year has meant the world to me! </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I love you! </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Happy New Year everyone! xox</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-24731436989015099592016-12-11T14:05:00.002-08:002016-12-11T14:14:38.769-08:00Holy Moly <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A few recent conversations with people I love and admire (and
who also happen to be religious) got me thinking about faith and living with chronic
illness. I should begin by mentioning that I am not religious myself. At <i>all</i>. I was raised Catholic, and I do still
hold on to certain elements of my religious upbringing. Such as trying to treat
people with kindness, treating those as you'd like to be treated yourself, and
valuing and nurturing love. These are all aspects of my character I can
attribute to both my wonderful parents and the bleeding into my life of Catholicism.
If Jesus will pardon the pun. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But recently I've pondered how different my handling of my
disease may have been had I continued down the path of that of a practicing
Catholic. Because I don't feel a belief in any 'higher power' or am drawn to
any form of organised religion, I wonder what that must feel like in comparison
to my current lifestyle of taking each day as it comes. I suppose the element
of my religious past I’ve held onto most would be feeling guilty for <i>absolutely everything</i>. This includes
eating a delicious and/or expensive meal – I’ll feel guilty about the
indulgence and the pain it’ll undoubtedly cause my purse and intestines. That’s
fine I guess, a little guilt never hurt anyone and it certainly puts a halt on
me doing anything that might <i>actually</i>
warrant 25 Hail Mary’s and a Holy Communion afterwards. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I don’t want any of this to sound patronising or
disrespectful in any way. I would never question why people I love/abject strangers
feel a need or calling towards religion. It’s a choice; just not one I’d
choose. In much the same way you wouldn’t question my undying love of Jon Hamm.
DO NOT QUESTION MY UNDYING LOVE OF JON HAMM. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I blindly put my ‘faith’ in doctors. <i>I have to</i>. I don’t believe in a specific Higher Power, I don’t have
an alternative. That’s my choice, of course. But for me it’s all I have. I’m
often secretly envious of those with a strong faith in God/Aloe Vera/whatever.
Not because I feel at a loss without something to believe in, but because I wonder
how different life must be for those patients who do. Does having a deity of
some sort to reach out to make pain and suffering easier to tolerate? I imagine
it is a comfort; at least that’s what I’m led to believe from those around me.
Any form of comfort with a chronic illness is a blessing. I take my comfort
from my loved ones. I ‘believe’ in them, and in their ability to soothe my anxious
mind. They are tangible, and real, and <i>around</i>.
They forgive my occasional bad behaviour and understand it comes from pain and
anxiety, they don’t expect a penance for it, and I return the understanding just
as wholly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">With a chronic illness, and especially in talking so openly
and publicly about it as I do, patients are often subjected to a seemingly
endless ream of ‘miracle’ cures. I have a tendency to pooh-pooh these ‘cures’
in much the same way I do religion. Maybe without even realising how that may
appear to those with a strong faith. I’m well aware that rubbing my every
orifice with Aloe Vera may not necessarily go and in hand with attending mass. (Although,
I’m still stoically of the belief that neither would ‘cure’ me). There is a difference
e between a spam email trying to sell me dodgy diet pills and a caring
friend/family member offering me comfort by sharing a belief they hold dear. I
need to see that more often perhaps, instead of being so overtly dismissive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything because I don’t believe
in God, I just don’t ‘get it’. But then <i> </i>I don’t have to, just like you are totally
allowed to believe in whatever the Hell <i>you</i>
want too. If Jesus will pardon the pun. Again...</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br></span>
<img src="webkit-fake-url://c12b7d5a-6f9a-495c-9e02-2b68d97a1f4e/imagejpeg"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span id="goog_1406663395"></span><span id="goog_1406663396"></span><br></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-67034865277894877122016-11-21T09:35:00.003-08:002016-11-21T09:35:58.752-08:00Be There or Be Flare<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was talking to my wonderful Mum today about family, and poor
health, and flapper dresses amongst other things. But rather than dedicate my
blog to the beauty of a fringed frock, I should probably focus my attentions on
the former. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Family and the opinions of my family and friends have always
been very important to me. They have been the ones to whom I would turn when I had
a huge decision to make, or when I’ve made the wrong decision and need a
shoulder to cry on or a cave to retreat into. Of course the older we get the
more decisions we must make on our own, often without input (and the harder these
become). The love and support of family and friends is generally what gives us the
confidence to make these decisions and have the confidence in our own choices. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some of these choices are <i>hard</i>. Possibly none more so than when we are in poor health and
must make decisions that may literally be life or death. When I was advised I should
have life-threatening surgery, the consequences of such an undertaking didn’t factor
into my decision. Maybe they should have; but if I were to consider I might’ve
left my mother without a daughter, I wouldn’t have been able to go under the
knife at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You see my health affects the people I love. I wish that weren’t
true but it is. The same way that any of us being ill affects people who love
us; the decisions I make about my health are essentially mine, but will affect
the lives of others regardless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Were I a ‘healthy’ woman, I wouldn’t have to worry a lot of
things. I wouldn’t have to worry that I was causing stress and upset to those
who love me. I wouldn’t have to worry that I am unable to provide for my little
family and that my partner may be forced to pick up the slack. I wouldn’t have
to worry that I’m making others unhappy because I can’t do this, that, or the
next thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wouldn’t have to worry about <i>living</i> and I could focus on doing just that. But I do, and I have
to face that day in day out – as do you. We all make the best of the hand we’ve
been dealt and I no longer wallow in the occasional misery of my situation as I
once did. I suppose this is just a meandering post really, but at the heart of
it it’s a reminder that the people who love us are SO important to our recovery
and general health-maintenance. Support and love is a boon to us and although
it may often seem we take you for granted, we appreciate you more than you can
know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Often we just have a lot of worry spinning around in our heads
and we forget to say thanks for being there. So I think I speak for every ‘sick’
person when I say THANKS FOR BEING THERE xo</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-3882101693960176922016-11-01T12:53:00.000-07:002016-11-01T12:53:34.097-07:00#HAWMC - Day 1<div class="x_MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: wf_segoe-ui_normal, "Segoe UI", "Segoe WP", Tahoma, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
It’s the first day of this year’s WEGO Health Writing Challenge (#HAWMC)! I wasn’t too keen on taking part this year as I’m working on a new book alongside my full time ‘proper’ job and have been feeling physically lower than a worms bra strap. But I figured it might be a good way to keep the writing momentum going as well as getting some much needed inspiration from my fellow health writers taking part!</div>
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So anyways todays writing prompt is as follows: </div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><i>Let’s get to know one another! What drives you to write about your health? What do you want other activists to know about your condition and activism?</i></b></div>
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<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
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Well if you are reading this chances are you already know a little bit about me and my writing (HI MUM), but if not then allow me to inform you of what you have SORELY missed. I live with several chronic conditions, the most prevalent being Crohn’s Disease. I was diagnosed with arthritis age 25 then Crohn’s shortly after – since then I’ve developed chronic migraines, nerve damage, Gilbert syndrome, anaemia, low blood pressure, anxiety etc etc to infinity.</div>
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I started blogging about my experiences of life with Crohn’s Disease in 2011 shortly after my first surgery. Since then I’ve been nominated for/been finalist in several blog awards, and have had my first book based loosely on my blog published in May of this year! (it's called Go Your Crohn Way and availability from all good retailers FYI) ;) </div>
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But coming back to the prompt: what I’d ideally like others to take from my writing would be a feeling of comfort, camaraderie and a decent laugh every now and then. I’ve always written in the hope that I can help educate and inform people on how it feels (physically and mentally) to live with incurable illness. I want to remind patients and their families it’s possible to thrive despite a chronic condition and not just ‘survive’. My drive to keep writing comes from hearing and seeing others stories, and just how difficult they find adapting to illness. There is always, ALWAYS someone who needs a little kindness. Incurable illness never ends so I keep writing for myself and for others in the hope some of that kindness rubs off. Pass it on, it feels great! X</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-29652992148401632372016-09-25T08:07:00.000-07:002016-09-25T08:07:02.705-07:00By The Book<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I haven’t been blogging as regularly as I might be lately as
my writing time is occupied writing another book. I’m really excited about this
one and putting much more pressure on myself to make it brilliant and funny and
genuine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The first time round I had nothing to lose in writing a book
– I wanted to do it to achieve a dream and to help people come to terms with an
IBD diagnosis or just to give long term Crohn’s patients maybe something to
smile at. I took my time in approaching any publishers because I genuinely didn’t
think anyone would look twice at it, and to be totally honest I was afraid of
having to face the knock-backs! But it turns out I didn’t receive any of those
and the publisher I went with has been just brilliant to work with. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Getting a book out into the world with no knowledge of the
industry, marketing or public speaking is no easy task so I’m proud of myself
for all the work I put in to making it happen. Obviously my loved ones played a
big part in that too but I’ve already thanked them enough privately to
restraining order proportions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So now I am working on book two and it’s strangely even
scarier than the first time. What if no one wants me this time? What if I’m a
one hit wonder? What if I hate every word I’ve written? (the 3<sup>rd</sup> one
swims about in my head <i>EVERYTIME</i> I sit
down to write). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But that’s where I am with that: trying to make something
readable and enjoyable and <i>HELPFUL </i>and
consistently filled with self-doubt. But I guess that just makes me an author. If
you’d like to be first to know any book news and aren’t my Mum or lover then you
can sign up to my mailing list if you’d like! Click on this helpful link -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://kathfantastic.weebly.com/go-your-crohn-way.html">http://kathfantastic.weebly.com/go-your-crohn-way.html</a><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm also thrilled to have been nominated again this year in the WEGO Health Activist Awards! I'm up for both Hilarious Health Activist and Best in Show: Blog. Thanks to everyone who nominated me! If you want to cast your vote by way of an 'endorsement' you can do so to the right of this post or on my website. Thanks! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">h<a href="ttp://kathfantastic.weebly.com/crohnological-order.html">ttp://kathfantastic.weebly.com/crohnological-order.html</a></span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Health wise things aren’t too great at the minute, I’ve been
pretty floored with a nasty sinus infection that I can’t seem to shake. My
immune system is so low that the minute I start to improve someone just has to
sneeze within 20 miles of me and I’m flattened again. My partner isn’t loving
having to sleep with Darth Vader, but we all have our crosses to bear. Infliximab
is still going well, so far so good, so I’m counting the days to next week when
they pump me with more of the good stuff. And also Infliximab. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But enough about me, how are YOU? </span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-56260070964971059102016-09-21T09:39:00.001-07:002016-09-21T09:48:53.114-07:00Lazy Crohn's<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Please forgive this angry blog in advance but here goes. An issue
I cannot grasp is when some people, even after having been told several times
of a condition’s INCUREABLITY, (not sure that’s even a real word but if not it <i>should be</i>), still expect you to ‘improve’.
Without mentioning any names or places or specific occasions (*DISCLAIMER*) –
let me give you a few examples of what I mean by this. Although I’m all too
well aware you will likely have your own for reference. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In my case there is often an expectation I will be able to ‘perform
better’ (and I’m not talking about within the bedroom here so draw your own
conclusions). This is an impossibility as I already carry out every task to the
best of my ability. Including piss poor rhyming it would seem. I try with all
the patience I can muster, to express just how damaging and frustrating it can
be to tell someone with a disability they should ‘try harder’. Mainly because
we already are. We are trying harder than you. We have <i>gotten out of bed</i> and are completing the same tasks as you WITH a
chronic illness. We are already better than you in so many ways. So why do you
make us feel worthless? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When you offhandedly mention that we could try harder, you
make us question ourselves. Maybe we <i>are</i>
coming off as lazy? Maybe we <i>could</i>
make more of an effort? That is a tough situation to put someone in. Not to
mention dangerous. How much further should we be pushing ourselves in your
opinion? So far we end up in the back of an ambulance? Maybe a morgue? Yes I am
being dramatic here I grant you, but when your best isn’t deemed good-enough it’s
completely and utterly soul-destroying. ESPECIALLY when this apparent lack of ability
is caused by something totally out-with your control. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When you tell us we should/could try harder, you are
basically asking us to ‘improve’ our disability. Perform an impossible feat.
This may sound dramatic to those of you without an incurable illness, but the invisibility
of a chronic illness like Crohn’s allows for a startling amount of ignorance.
Would you ask someone who was paralysed from the waist down to ‘just have a go’
at walking? Didn’t think so. So why then is it deemed acceptable for someone to
query why my intestines don’t work as they should? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let me finish with this: I have a full time job. I work long
hours in a stressful environment. My condition(s) mean I struggle with pain
mainly in my stomach, legs, arms, and hands, I experience almost weekly
migraines, my medication means my head is often fuzzy and I suffer memory loss,
extreme fatigue means I struggle to stay awake around 2pm each day and I am constantly
and consistently <i>exhausted</i>. Did I mention
that I can’t tolerate food and am either on the toilet or throwing up in it? Oh
and that along with anemia and low blood pressure means I’m dizzy almost all
day long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>
<br>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m not mentioning all of this for sympathy – I know I am
lucky as there are people who face much worse every day, but I mention it to reiterate
the point. On top of all of that, what exactly would you like me to improve? I’d
say I’m doing pretty well just remaining conscious to be honest. </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmaZ-bruZdF3qmshP5iwjO-YrE9PxGZN9Ey4ZUWOnuicxu3FtSNmapSQg1_mb2eSP0cy5Xb1jHik2XLLlrScSkKjZKvPEIhiGL9xzsmAEcDdUxHBq1r2fICilErx8UpjQBZMXGnLqK4xU-/s640/blogger-image-1746257988.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmaZ-bruZdF3qmshP5iwjO-YrE9PxGZN9Ey4ZUWOnuicxu3FtSNmapSQg1_mb2eSP0cy5Xb1jHik2XLLlrScSkKjZKvPEIhiGL9xzsmAEcDdUxHBq1r2fICilErx8UpjQBZMXGnLqK4xU-/s640/blogger-image-1746257988.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-86630845779114733752016-08-29T06:47:00.001-07:002016-08-29T06:47:39.055-07:00Rest In PJ's<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A very important aspect to bear in mind when living
with chronic illness is 'self-care'. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Firstly, I appreciate that may sound hippy-ish, and
may inspire someone who doesn't eat kale or drink pumpkin lattes to feel increasingly
nauseous, but at the core of it ‘self-care’ really just means looking after
number one. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In the least selfish way possible, it's vital to
ensure that when you feel at your worst (and even when you don’t) that you take
the time you need to help yourself feel as well as you can. Now of course that
doesn't necessarily mean immediately calling your boss and throwing a 4week
sick note at him so fast he gets a paper cut. It just means it’s important to remember
that there are things you can do to ease the pressure of a day to day life with
a chronic illness. For example: REST when you need to rest. It may sound
ridiculous but this is often the most difficult for me. It seems to come exceptionally
low on my list of priorities. I’ll always have something more pressing to do
first. Then I came to the realisation that really that means I’m placing my own
health pretty low down the rung on the ladder of life. And really, although a
support network around you is imperative, it’s also vital to value <i>yourself</i> and your own body. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've begun to try and act accordingly now instead
of pushing myself to my body's limits and beyond. For example, if I’ve had a
busy day and I’m into a new realm of exhaustion, I’ll find 20minutes to take a
nap. Previously I would have made a million and one excuses not to: it's almost
dinner time, I don't want to be rude and leave my partner alone, my favourite
TV show is on, the moon is in Venus, etc, etc. Now I try to act on my body’s demands
and feel better for it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Looking after yourself may not make you feel
massively different <i>physically</i>; it
may only serve to allow you to feel a little more rested and give your triple
AAA’s a well-deserved recharge. But that’s not really the point. I find it has
a greater impact on mental health. It allows you to grant yourself permission
to ‘be ill’. You don’t have to excuse yourself for something you have no
control over, you just have to adapt to it and sometimes let it win a few
battles. You still take the gold in the end; you just do it at your own pace. So
put down the dish-cloth and pour yourself a delicious glass of bowel prep, you
deserve it! </span><span style="font-family: Candara, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-432095176514263082.post-31248695392960836402016-08-19T08:54:00.003-07:002016-08-19T10:04:48.366-07:00Stress This House<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not sure if I mentioned it recently, if it all, I mean I have been pretty quiet about the whole thing tbh, but I've written a book on life with Crohn's Disease. With writing a book you, of course, open yourself up to criticism
and judgement. That’s wholly understandable; I’m expecting people to take the
time to read something I’ve written and maybe even purchase it with some of their,
no doubt hard-earned cash, so I am certainly open to hearing opinions on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But within writing circles pretension runs rife. I’ve been made
to feel that I’m not a ‘real’ writer in several areas; and I’ve gone along with
that because I don’t truly feel like one either. Even though I’ve had a book
published it still feels as though I’ll be ‘found out’ eventually and I’ll have
to admit that yes I’m an idiot who just got lucky, LOLZ sorry! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But my own insecurities aside, and I hate to break it to
anyone criticising me, but I’ve written a book on my experience of bowel
disease; I’m not trying to be the voice of a generation or pen The Next Great British
Novel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This same feeling of insecurity permeates all aspects of my
life when I’m feeling low. I’m not a good enough writer to be taken seriously, I’m
not a good enough partner to the man I love and eventually he’ll see it too, I’m
not ‘sick enough’ to talk about it with any level of knowledge, etc ETC to
infinity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These feelings all began when I got sick. Because with long-term
sickness often comes anxiety and depression. Not for everyone of course, but
for more of us than I’d care to wager. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve always been self-deprecating; it’s what helped me avoid
being bullied in high school (I had no boobs, a 10y/o boy’s haircut and liked
cats more than boys). It’s what got me tips as a waitress and barmaid. It’s what
help bagged me a beau. Laughing at myself is probably a safety net – it gets it
out of the way before anyone else does. Not that I truly believe they will; but
it doesn’t matter what I truly believe, because the minute I think those
thoughts they take over. Approximately <a dir="ltr" href="tel:4565775675" x-apple-data-detectors="true" x-apple-data-detectors-type="telephone" x-apple-data-detectors-result="0">4565775675</a> different scenarios play over in my head then I’m
back to square one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anxiety and insecurity is a bitch because it doesn’t matter how
many people tell you that you are wonderful and worthy and loved; you’re
Teflon. It all just glides off you because you don’t feel it. Now let me be clear,
(in particular for my Mum because I know she’s reading this hi mum I love you)<i> I</i> <i>do
not feel like this all the time</i>. A large chunk of my life I feel self-confident
and brave, important, and pleased with my image and my work. I feel deserving
of the man I love and the friends and family who love me as I know that I
should. But when that is gone and I’m just a ball of anxiety and frustration I can’t
see how I ever had the gall to believe in myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Look I know this is a ramble and it maybe means nothing to a
lot of you, but I’m mainly writing this to the young women who flood my inbox
with emails everyday telling me they are scared and feel isolated in living
with chronic illness. I want them to know they are not alone, and although it isn’t
exactly a pleasant thought that another human being feels as bad as you do, it
can also be a small comfort. Knowing you’re not ‘crazy’ and that these feelings
will eventually dissipate gives us hope. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe tomorrow I won’t want to weep when I see my
reflection, and I will feel strong enough to write another chapter of another
book because maybe someone might want to read it. If I can convince myself of
that then you can too. Or whatever it is you ‘do’; do it! If writing is your
bag then go for it! Just don’t write too well, I’m not good enough to handle
the competition ;) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><font face="Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><br></font><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX1sw2n3et1gttF6t7DDLw92ViiOmvpmkHrgNJKh5KWegYueDXmvA75pbGPW2OyVYtk4yhZ7CivvsxAesbAYZ2witzj1GgN2FxC2JT0bzH237ANpKx6ZlSqU8CkFQx6pluZFmXO0HX60Sa/s640/blogger-image--1459813540.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX1sw2n3et1gttF6t7DDLw92ViiOmvpmkHrgNJKh5KWegYueDXmvA75pbGPW2OyVYtk4yhZ7CivvsxAesbAYZ2witzj1GgN2FxC2JT0bzH237ANpKx6ZlSqU8CkFQx6pluZFmXO0HX60Sa/s640/blogger-image--1459813540.jpg"></a></div><br></div></span><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17254891860723163152noreply@blogger.com0