Pleased to Meat You

It seems that meat, and red meat in particular, will have to be stripped from the menu for me. I've tried to persevere and cut down, cook it in different ways, and experiment to see how much or how little I can cope with, but to no avail. As soon as I have a steak/piece of pork/piece of beef, i'm almost instantly bloated so badly I resemble someone who's left the pool and forgotten to remove her rubber ring, or, i'm forced to spend so long in the loo in agony I could read 'War & Peace' 3 times over.
Bacon is tolerable, and also my preferred meaty snack of choice. Although I must admit, lately the smell of frying bacon hasn't quite been doing it for me in the way it used to. Therefore, i've composed a farewell letter to meat I think conveys my feelings appropriately;


" Dear Meat,
I'm sorry for the way things have worked out (or not in my case..). I think we've just grown apart. So much has happened in the past year I just don't see you fitting into my life anymore. It's not you, it's me (and my Crohn's).
I think we will be able to have an amicable separation, I can still see you occasionally, just not as often as I used to. It's just you cause me so much gut wrenching pain (literally) that I just can't see how it can work.
I care for you, I do, but there are 3 of us in this relationship now and unfortunately my colon feels strongly that we can no longer see one another. I'll always think of you fondly when I pass a steakhouse. :(
To be honest I feel I should dedicate my time to chicken. I always preferred it anyway and it's just so much more gentle and considerate, and never asks to much of my colon.
Hope there are no hard feelings, think we just need some time apart.
Love and tomato sauce always,
K x "


So there you have it. I've cut all ties with the red stuff. For now anyway. I'm not completely giving up the ghost though, I LOVE chicken with a passion and it's so bland I reckon we'll do ok. Not quite ready to become a fully fledged veggie yet, will just have to have a trial separation and see how it goes.
We'll meat again, i'm sure..