Attack of the Crohns

As Crohn's is essentially an inflammatory bowel disease, most people assume the main issue is difficulty in toilet related activities, but few realise how much it can screw with your whole body.
Unless you are a sufferer yourself, it's hard to understand just quite how debilitating Crohn's can be.
Take my day so far. I have a day off, just requested at random, cheeky day off through the week to have a lie in and maybe get down to a bit of housework. That was the plan, and it's gone ok so far, I tried to have a lie in, and managed til 7.30am, as was continually wakened by a rumbling stomach, queasiness and a what can only be described as a beast of a headache.
So I got up, forced a bit of tea and toast then took a look around the kitchen- bomb-site was a pretty accurate description. So I decided to get down to a spot of serious Autumn Cleaning. Swept and mopped, scrubbed, washed, laundered and polished for a good few hours until the place was spotless (well sort of) Still not quite my mums standards but nevertheless. Then, feeling dirty (not in a good way) I retired to the shower to rid myself of my hard graft.
Stepped in the shower to find I couldn't lift my arms above my head due to the excruciating pain in my gut every-time I tried. Within seconds my stomach was swollen up to about the size of a 6month pregnant woman's and after stepping delicately out of the shower it took me approximately half an hour to summon up the courage to stand up straight.
Here we go again. So now I'm back in bed feeling like a waste of space. Every time this happens it feels like my body is saying, 'I appreciate what your trying to do here but it's just not going to happen is it? Now SIT' - (quite forceful my colon in my mind).
It's a pain in the rear (pun intended) when this happens. Not just as it's quite literally very, VERY painful and uncomfortable but also gives that feeling of helplessness, can't I do a few simple chores without paying for it later? Isn't it enough I've spent a day off cleaning without knocking me for six after so I can't actually ENJOY what's left of it? (I don't know who I'm even directing these questions to anymore).
My partner recently said I don't talk about it much, just say I'm sore but don't elaborate. I admitted this is because, I suppose, apart from boring him with endless symptoms, I bore myself at times. I mainly want to try and just forget it exists, and talking about it forces my mind to focus on it. It's at times like this when it my body makes it impossible to forget. Without sounding melodramatic, it does feel at times as though my body is punishing me. And for what? Cleaning? STONE HER!
Working? HAVE HER HANGED!
Having a social life? ELECTRIC CHAIR!
All of which at times feel like an appealing alternative when I'm in pain.
I think I'm going to try a bit of reverse psychology on my ass (again pun indented) and start doing something worth being punished for like robbing a bank or stealing a Kinder Egg from a small child, and see if this pleases my bowels instead. If I end up in jail, please send loo roll, Thank-you x