As most of you will know I’m in the process of writing a
book based around my experiences shared in this blog in the past few years
since my diagnosis. It’s been a labour of love, but mostly a very difficult
experience. Lots of you are lovely enough to enquire as to how it’s all going
so I thought I’d share a little update on my progress…
Writing a book based mainly on your own life isn’t as easy
or as much of a vanity project as you may think. Especially when you are
talking about some of the worst and most painful (mainly literally) experiences
you’ve ever had. You wouldn’t think any research would be required when writing
about yourself but it is amazing how many details are forgotten in a haze of
drugs and pain relief. Hospital stays especially can be so mind-numbingly dull
and lonely that the mind tends to blur chunks of it out and leaves only the
worst or best bits. Selective memories I suppose. I started my own ‘research’
by looking out my old diaries and immersing myself in my own recent history. I spent
hours sobbing into the pages as I was faced with the horrible recollection of
how horrendously ill and miserable I was. The resounding feelings bouncing off
the page were that of utter hopelessness and confusion, constant pain and sadness.
Now I’m well aware most people who keep diaries (I have since I was 12 years
old) have a tendency to dramatize – especially if you were an aspiring writer
like me, but there was no drama in here, just facts. A little bit of ranting at
the wretchedness of my existence but certainly nothing worthy of Sunset Beach.
After stepping back out of my pre-penned history I was able
to start to thinking about how to make something so miserable into a piece of
work someone would actually want to read. Preferably without hanging themselves
by the end of the first chapter. (I didn’t say I set my bar high). I use my
blog to try to make something universally rubbish seem slightly less so through
humour, mocking myself and of course, puns. LOVE A PUN. So I figured this was
the best way to go. I want people to read my experiences and see there is life
beyond chronic illness, especially those who are recently diagnosed. It can be
such a terrifying time for everyone involved, so the book contains lots of help
for sufferers themselves and I hope their families and friends can gain a bit
of insight from it too. That’s the plan anyway. Some of my friends who are fellow sufferers’ have
read the book (in its early draft) and have had positive feedback for me so
far. I didn’t quite realise it may be
uncomfortable for my family and friends though, as some have told me it’s been difficult
and upsetting to read as they didn’t realise how bad things actually were.
It’s hard to write about Crohn’s when you live with it. Looking
at something subjectively is practically impossible because it is with you
24hrs a day. Finishing the main body of the book has taken me much longer than I’d
hoped because I’ve been ill. The LAST thing I want to do when writhing around
in agony is write about how great life can be despite Crohn’s because in those
moments I certainly don’t believe it myself. I hope I’ve managed to get that
across in the book; that life is going to be far from easy, but that it doesn’t
have to change completely.
Now, to down a vat of coffee and get back to it…
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