I have a daily routine; in so much as I get up at the same
time every day in order to get to work on time. I leave myself enough to get showered, dressed and ready, to prepare my lunch and all the other mundane day to day things required.
I stick to the same bus timetable and I have my dinner at roughly the same time
at night after work is over. But other than it being a routine out of
necessity, it’s not a planned and regulated routine.
I think sometimes I’d maybe like to have
one of those, or at least to be able to find the energy to make things a little
more regimented, but I also like to live my life day to day. Having IBD takes away
so much of the control from you that it’s vital you relish every opportunity to
grasp some of that back for yourself.
So when I'm able I make plans.
I try not to make those plans too far in advance, as I tend to feel it’s detrimental to
my mood if I can’t follow through on arrangements. It’s a big shift from the days when I could fill up
my social diary months in advance; now I'm lucky to be able to plan each day
of the week. If I manage to achieve all my goals it’s a great feeling of
victory. I've realised it’s not a massive negative to have relinquished some of
the control to Crohn’s Disease. It’s an unfortunate necessity and one which has
to happen every now and then in order to feel at my best.
In terms of habits I wish
I could break, I suppose metaphorically beating myself up when I can’t do certain things, would be top of
the list there. I'm learning it’s OK not to do as much as I used to, and find
happiness and pleasure in things which require a little less of me. I try to break the
habit of punishing myself and apologising to others for my disease on a daily basis. I'm not entirely sure it’s a routine I’ll ever get out of, but it’s one I could
do without. I try to routinely praise myself for what I can do, and stop hating on myself for what my disease ensures I can’t.
This post was written as part of WEGO Health's Activist Writers Monthly Challenge - #HAWMC
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