Went out to a Ceilidh the other night. My friend's mum got married and had a big bash to celebrate. I took my mum with me and we had a couple of drinks and a lovely time. Chatted with my friend's family then we were in our way home by half 9. Poor show. This was at my request by the way, so I can't even blame my lovely mum's advancing years as an excuse.
Not so many years ago I used to be able to pull off a week at college, followed by reams of homework, a 14 hour shift in a restaurant, a few hours pulling pints in my local with ease, then out to drink said pints and have a dance until well into the wee hours. What has become of me?!
Well, I could easily blame my Crohn's but that probably wouldn't stand up in court. It probably has a lot to do with not being nearly as young as I used to be and having those horrible adult things like 'bills' and 'responsibilities' to deal with - YUK :(
When I think back to all the times in my life when i've thought something wasn't quite right (health-wise) I could probably now attribute it all to having carried Crohn's with me the majority of my life without realising there was anything wrong with me. My whole life i've assumed it was normal to feel instantly bloated and sick after EVERY meal or to have constant niggly headaches or feel shattered most of the time. Why would you question something when you've never known any different? I think my lack of enthusiasm for food slightly worried my parents whilst I was growing up, but I think it was mainly just written off as a high metabolism or something similar; All the Nicholls men can eat for Scotland and still manage to look like bean-poles. Handsome bean-poles I should add.
I hated feeling so queasy and just not quite right after having enjoyed stuffing my face , but just figured i'd eaten too much, and that this was my body's form of punishment for committing the cardinal sin of Gluttony. A few of my friends have also commented that they also had similar reservations in the past about my eating habits. One lovely friend of mine said she used to worry I had some form of eating disorder, she couldn't understand why I was getting full after only a few bites of lunch or dinner. Makes me a bit melancholy to think about people I love having harbored these secret concerns and not having been able to convey their fears. But then again how do you question something when your not even sure there is a problem?
Now in hindsight I suppose if my friends, family or more importantly myself, had brought any of these worries to light I might have been on my way to a diagnosis much quicker. Then again probably not! Can't really imagine how that would even transpire anyway, some sort of weird intervention where my friends and family force me to face my ultimate fear and eat more than half a plate of food?! Sends a shiver down my spine just thinking about it.. :)
Anyway, I think I'm now managing to reign in my wild-party-non-stop-pop-til-you-drop-don't-stop-til-you-get-enough lifestyle to make allowances for my Crohn's.. Replacing the crisps and cider with custard creams and tea, the dancing with bubble baths and the 3am taxi queues with quality zzz's. None of which makes me unhappy really, just a bit misty-eyed for my younger days.
I'm sure there's life in the old (diseased) dog yet ;)